We’ve had an unusually cold winter here in Georgia. In the past twenty-five years, for example, the two outside faucets have not frozen, but this year both pipes extending from the house to the faucets froze and cracked. I repaired the pipes, but then I needed to prevent a recurrence of the problem.
Hardware stores sell an insulating device—essentially a large foam cup—that fastens to the faucet and traps the little bit of heat escaping from the house, thereby preventing the pipe from freezing. Extending from both my faucets, however, are pipes that run into the ground and supply water to other locations. The extra pipes could not be covered by the simple cups sold in the store, so I had to build my own styrofoam boxes that would insulate the pipes from the cold.
Over the years I have discovered that any repair or construction job always requires the use of far more tools and supplies than I had anticipated. In this case I was building two simple boxes from sheets of styrofoam, so I guessed that I would need few tools. I thought, I’ll just get a knife and some tape and cut a piece of foam. I was wrong. By the completion of the job, I had used the following:
tape measure
nylon rope (for fastening the box to the exposed pipes)
2 washers (preventing the rope from tearing through the styrofoam)
2 cord locks (devices for holding the rope firmly in place)
2 styrofoam sheets
knife (for cutting the foam)
scissors
paint (so the box would roughly match the color of the exterior brick)
paint stirrer
paint can opener
box of matches (for sealing the cut ends of the nylon rope)
black marker (for drawing lines on the foam)
duct tape
straight edge (for marking lines on foam)
drill bit
stool
Just as I was surprised that nineteen tools (including supplies) were required for building a simple box and securing it to the brick, I have been surprised on many occasions at how many tools are needed for us to be happy in life. When we first come to an understanding of what Real Love is, that changes out perception of how we’ve lived to that point and how we want our lives to change. Then we learn about how to tell the truth about ourselves, and we begin to create opportunities to gather the love we need.
But soon we find ourselves in situations—an angry partner, a complaining child, an unhappy boss—where our meager understanding of Real Love is glaringly insufficient. So we acquire an understanding of expectations, requests, the Law of Choice, and more. And we find that the more we know—the more tools we have—the better prepared we are to respond productively to an increasing array of circumstances.
Where do we acquire these tools that give us greater satisfaction and peace, along with far more fulfilling relationship? Certainly studying Real Love principles can be a big help, but more important are the experiences where we actually apply what we have learned to real life. As we keep learning and practicing, we add to the tools we can use.
Often we don’t discover a need for a tool until we arrive at a situation where it’s needed and we don’t have it. I encountered this step-wise process of discovery as I constructed the insulating box. When the time came to cut the styrofoam, I found that I didn’t have a straight edge for marking the foam with a pen. I went back to the garage for the tool I needed. When I sat on the ground to work, I discovered that the moisture slowly seeped through my pants. I went to the garage for a stool to sit on. I had not anticipated everything I would need, and in each instance I could have continued working, but the outcome would have been affected negatively. Or I could have stopped to complain that I didn’t have the right tools, but what good would that have done?
Similarly, a great many tools are required to deal with the situations we encounter in life. When we’re frustrated or otherwise unhappy, that is a sure sign that we simply need to find another tool, rather than continue to ineffectively use the tools we already have or complain about them. As we study the principles of Real Love—and as we practice them in real life—we will acquire the tools we need for genuine personal happiness and fulfilling relationships.